why i complain about mormonism anonymously

i’ve gotten a couple of messages asking why i blog anonymously. the reason is pretty simple – i remember what it was like to be a believing mormon and how painful it was to have my faith challenged. as much as i would like my friends and loved ones to eventually know the truth about the church, i want to cause them as little pain as possible.

i remember the first time my faith was challenged. i was in an upper level BYU English class, and someone brought up the “DNA and the Book of Mormon” study that had just been published. when someone said that it was proven that no Hebrew DNA was found in the native americans, it felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. it was like someone was trying to purposefully damage my world view, and it was painful.

moments later, someone who was interning at FARMS explained the apologetic response, and it was a welcome relief. all was right with my world.

i’ve explained to family and friends that giving up my faith and distancing myself emotionally from the mormon church was one of the most painful experiences of my life. mormonism was how i framed my entire worldview and was part of my identity. giving up mormonism was emotionally akin to losing an appendage or close relative.

for that reason, i feel like it would be entirely selfish to try and push that experience on people i care about. if someone is actively seeking for critical information about the church and they stumble across this blog, that’s their own business. but i’m not about to tell the fanny alger story on my facebook page.

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About unorthodox

i live in LA, work in advertising and am the father of three kids. i'm don't belong to a political party, but i have left-leaning political views. i love the beach, loud music and video games. i grew up mormon, but haven't been a believer for the past 6 or so years. i love what the church has done for my life, and am concerned about what the church is becoming.
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5 Responses to why i complain about mormonism anonymously

  1. Andrew says:

    I don’t exactly see how that answers the question. Simply using your name on the blog doesn’t challenge anyone. It is the content that challenges.

    I agree that if you tried to publish things on Facebook, then that would be different.

    (BTW, not saying you should or should not use your name. Just saying it seemed like you were addressing a slightly different issue.)

    • unorthodox says:

      well, i have a very distinct name. if i google my name, my own content and career history are the only results. my family is all pretty web savvy, so eventually they’d stumble across it and would probably be really hurt. the one example i use, it was my mom who discovered my cousin was gay when she inadvertently discovered his blog. if she could pull that off, she’d definitely find this site.

  2. Jason Allan Combs says:

    You seem like a very caring and considerate person and what you do with your blog and how you do it is your own business. I think he answered this very well. If he wishes to remain anonymous so that friends and family won’t be hurt then that is completely valid. Andrew: Why does this concern you? Are you just curious/nosy about who he and want to make trouble or do you doubt his convictions? Are you a person who must have control and have to know everything?

    My point is this: All are blessed/cursed with free will. How each soul exercises that God given will is their business and theirs alone.

  3. Lost says:

    Hey Unorthodox,
    I feel similarly — served a mission, graduated BYU, married in temple, have wife and kids. And now I don’t believe a word about the church. I really don’t believe JS was a prophet or the BOM is the word of god. My wife doesn’t want to hear a word or opinion from me, and I can’t talk to anyone. An anonymous blog is a great idea! Congrats on finding a way to voice your opinions and concerns without pissing off those you love!
    Best regards,
    Lost Mormon

  4. WalkMyOwnPath says:

    I love your blog. I think it’s better to be anonymous because you’re right, the feelings of your family are the most important. Up until last year, I always did the things that a good Mormon girl is supposed to do. I went to BYU-Hawaii, served a mission, married in the temple and now I’m a stay-at-home mom. The unraveling of my testimony was terribly painful for me and I felt so lost. I tried to talk to my husband and other family members about how I feel and they got really defensive. So I decided not to talk to them about these things anymore. I decided that while I no longer believe in the Book of Mormon, the LDS church is a spiritual community of people who just want to feel better. When I look at it that way, I feel better about going. I grew up in the church and it is also my culture, so I still go every Sunday but I no longer jump when they tell me to. lol!

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