So from time to time I attend sacrament meeting with my wife to help her wrangle the kids.
Generally I’ll pass the time playing iPad games with my son, and occasionally I’ll perk up if someone says something interesting.
Yesterday was fast and testimony meeting, and some tall, handsome, blond-haired bro ambled up to the stand and said (I’m paraphrasing):
Recently I’ve been wondering why it is that I’ve been blessed to have such an incredible life. I have so many spiritual and temporal blessings, and sometimes I wonder why I was selected to receive so much abundance.
Immediately I look up, because I want to determine the source of such douchebaggery. The ward my wife attends has quite a few people who are struggling. I’m not talking your standard white Mormon problems – there are people struggling with money, health, relationships, etc. You look around and it’s clear that some of these folks are clearly suffering and in need of some comfort. For that reason I was a little taken back when Brother Bro took to the stand and immediately bore testimony of his rad life.
So I’m sitting pretty much dead center in the chapel, and I look up at this guy and make eye contact with him as he continues to say:
I know that I have received these blessings because of decisions I made in this life, and in the pre-existence.
And I laughed at him. I didn’t even try to restrain it. At that point he kind of trailed off and started to ramble a bit. I’m not even going to pretend I felt bad, because fuck that guy.